bed time, little things, feelings

Alright. This is  about to get deep. Warning you.

Little things always get over looked.. Small things that you do before going to bed, What you do when you are getting ready for the day, trying something new for the very first  time... Least of all Feelings.

I always overlook the little things, at least I think I do; maybe I don't otherwise I wouldn't be typing this right now.
I forgot what it was like to wash my face, brush my teeth, and wash my toes in the tub before I went to bed. I forgot because I would go to my room and lay on my bed, check instagram, facebook, text, and go back to insta. Later, I would find myself falling asleep in my leggings and t-shirt with the light on and just laying on my bed; eventually I would wander into the bathroom and brush my teeth and mybe my face if I felt up to it.  Ugh. No wonder I didnt feel like I was getting a good nights sleep.
Im making it a goal that no Facebook, and insta after I'm in my bed. I want that to be the place I go to relax and dewindle.
 Ever think of the first time you  did someting? Ever think its the last first time you get to experiance it? I don't realize it until after. My first kiss? Elementry, 6th grade, under a big tree on the play ground. First time I got my stupid period? I wont go there. First time my brother suprised us from the military. BEST suprise ever. The first time I was loved and loved in return. That one is hard to put a time on because do I count the time I loved, or when we said I love you...or our fights and I just waited for your next text. Idk how to calculate that because I didnt choose to love, it grew slowly then all at once. It is amazing. Something I am so glad I got to experience. Love. ok. Time for me to get my head out of the clouds. Back to buisness. Serious buisness. First time I gave a facial, it was AMAZING. I knew that is where I belonged.  I have many firsts of which I remember but to many to list. You know the best thing though? Is that I have MANY more firsts to come and I am SOOO excited.
I am greatful I have the ability to experience feelings; happiness, sadness, excitment,greed,disapointment, love,hope. everything. Without one you do not have the other. I read somewhere " Ther is no such thing as darkness; Just the lack of light." I am a strong believer that you need a bottom to have a top. Do you know how boring it would be to just go through the motions of living?  Just to Exsist?  It would be devistating. however;you wouldnt feel devistated, just there.

this is what I think about.
xo mellisa

you're wierd, you're unique, you're a dork.

Things that hit me the hardest are things that I used to love and people who I still do. I was reading old e-mails, old texts that would remind me how much I loved someone; I find myself wondering if you read my blogs, remember me or even love me. I read that you would never stop loving me and that you would never forget me. Truth is; I'm scared and I can't get you off my mind.

Xxo Leeser

Stay golden.

To who ever you're missing.

It's funny how much you can miss someone.

 How much you realize you depended on them or even how much they  made you happy until their gone.

Maybe not forever but for a while.

It hurts' and it stings.

 It will for a while until you can smile and look back without crying and smile remembering that they will come back. 

 One day and then you will show them just how much you missed them; you might just have to wait and be patient.

 

 

xoxo Mel.

 

Stay Golden.

 &

Be Amazing.

New places

Usually moving new places is hard.

Lets' be honest.

ONe: you have to make new friends.

TWo: you need a Job

THREe: Making new friends is hard

FOUr: You kinda have to like the place.

 

Well ladies and gentle men;

 I have done all of the above! It may have taken all summer, but I have Accomplished it and it makes me pretty happy.

Making new friends can be tricky especially if you are a senior in high school, but its not impossible.

In fact, the word itself says " I'm Possible" coincidence?

 I think not.

 Anyway..

If you can make at least one new friend the day you start you are off in the right direction :)

All you have to do is be happy and enjoy the experience instead of dreading it; Because think about it, if you're going to go into a new place, chances are people aren't going to make the first move, but if you make the first move to talk to someone they must just think..... " hey, this girls pretty cool...." then BAM new friend.

I went into it thinking this way, not really worried about the people who already have their groups of friends because from the first day I decided that this year is going to be awesome.

Because I believe  I'm going to be awesome.

hehe

So far I love where I am.

I love my school...

I love my friends...

I love put up with my job....

plus I'm loving my house.

because for once it's starting to feel like a home again.

WoooHooo!

 

anyway.

 

Leeser.

 

Stay Golden  xxo

 



Hello!

Well. Hello there.

My life is a twisting, twirling, upsidedown-going, rollarcoaster.

I'de say it's a mess, but lets be honest; rollarcoasters are funner and much much more stressful.

These past few months are a blur.

I'm my own superhero and I'm in the process of becoming Simply amazing.

My life is going to be how I want it to be, even if it turns out difforent then I plan it.

  Go ahead figure that one out.

My  20  year plan is to be Awsome. That's all. To be Awsome.

Why? Because that much is in my control.

I do want to go to collage but I have no idea what for.

I want a relationship. But I'm in  no hurry

I want to be happy and I'm headed in the right direction. I am Happy.

Be happy with me.

& stay golden.

The True meaning of Christmas.

I never believed that there were people out there that gave.

All the stories online about how someone payed for their groceries or left them money... I didnt believe that people did that even though it was written right in front of me. I just thought... that would never happen...

But it did. To my family.

This year has been extremely difficult on my family we have been tight on money for the past two years. We lost our car. We've been to the point where there is barely anything in our refrigerator. My mom went to the doctor and after an MRI she had two small tumors on her skull.

 

During all of this I was being bullied. Not the way you would think but i was just feeling so down about myself that when someone would joke something I would take it seriously, when a teacher would just put aside what i said ; I'd be hurt. I went into this mode where I didn't care what people thought about me. But i didn't want to be home. I wanted to be anywhere but home.

But I have two amazing best friends, with out them I don't know where i would be.

 Yesterday December 23, 2012  I walked past my front door and I saw the corner of an envelope... I picked it up and there inside of it was one-hundred dollars.  I was speechless. I showed my parents and they had no idea what to say.... well my dads first words were " what the hell.... " then he didn't say anything...  he asked me if i knew who had sent it but I told him I didn't, even though I had an idea...

I have amazing best friends.

Who ever sent this money is amazing. One day i wish that i could be as amazing as this person.

Stay Golden.

xxo Leeser. Merry Christmas.

Turn Your Can'ts into Cans' and Your Dreams into Plans.

There is never a reason not to do something amazing.

 If you have a dream, reach for it. Why?  because you dreamt it hadn't you?

 No matter how much it may cost, No matter how long it may take; Reach for it.

You deserve it.

 Your life may be feeling out of control, You may have lost someone, you may have nothing in your refrigerator to eat, you may have bills to pay that seem to never go away. Your parents may be fighting, your home may be hectic.  

There's hope. I promise things get better. There is ALWAYS a way to overcome these problems. Always remember that there are people out there that have it harder. There are people that are homeless, starving, or drug attics.

you deserve every little thing you set your mind to. You just need to work for it.

I'm planning on going to college to have a career.

I have dreams. I want to be successful. I want to be happy.

Why?

Because I deserve it.

And No-one can stop me.

Because I want my respect. Oh, and any shoes I set my eyes on ;)

Stay.golden